After bearing all on Wednesday, I'd like to say that the week got better, but it didn't. Monday, April 16
Plan 45-min Spin
Tuesday, April 17
Plan 1-hr Run
Actual 1 hr 15-min Run (7.37 miles)
Pretty much a disaster. I only did 2 of the 8 intervals at the level that I needed to. I also had a couple of panic attacks, puked (heavy lunch, new sports drink) and crashed into a Little Leaguer.
Wednesday, April 18
Plan Stair mill Yoga
Actual 30-min on the Stair mill Vinyasa Yoga class
Thursday, April 19
Plan 1 hr 15 min run
Actual 8.70-mile run
After Tuesday's disaster run I felt that I wasn't up to doing this run at the set pace so I asked my Coach to change it and he replaced it with a Spin class. Only thing is that I overslept the 6 am Spin class and the only other classes scheduled that day at the 2 gyms near me were at 10:30 am and 4 pm, neither of which I could go to.
My therapist told me to do the originally scheduled run, even if it did not go well, and journal how it went. Well it did suck. It was hot. I ran on a route that I hadn't run on in a long time to try and change up the scenery but it didn't help. My mind was all over the place. I could not focus for the life of me. I literally counted down the minutes the entire time.
A Rottweiler also jumped me again, the first time being 5 months ago (different dog). The owner was just as shocked as I was. Funny thing is though it lit a fire in me and I took off after being jumped. It was the only time during this run I actually felt like I was in some kind of groove.
Friday, April 20
Actual Bikram Yoga class
Saturday, April 21
Actual 12.35 miles
The one in which I quit. The temps were high in the Bay Area and it got up to 88 where I live, which is at least 20 degrees above normal for this time of year. I intended to start running at 6 am, but I didn't wake up until 5:15 am and after eating breakfast I had to let my stomach settle. I didn't get started running until 7 am.
The first 4 miles were supposed to be slow and easy. I was running a 10:30-10:40 pace which felt difficult and I panicked, worried about how I would manage the rest of the long run if these miles felt difficult.
I ran along the Bay Trail in Foster City, which I should have never done because I have never had a good run on this route. In fact, I had a failed run here 2 years ago in which I hurt my foot and had to call my cousin to pick me up. I think about this every time I run past the curb that sat on to wait for her.
The middle miles were supposed to be marathon pace miles. I have no idea what that pace is so I just picked it up and found myself running at a pace that I felt was too fast to be MP miles yet I could not make myself slow down. I know, this sounds nuts even to me. So I walked to try and slow it down and once I started taking walk breaks, it was over. I just kept taking them.
And while there was a slight breeze that came off the Bay, the sun was beating down and I had gone through my entire 22 oz water bottle. I knew there was a water fountain where I would hit 9-miles but when I got there it wasn't working. I had a meltdown and I could not fathom in my head how I would run another 9-miles. The thought of it made my skin crawl and I had zero desire to do so.
I sat on stonewall, watching the airplanes land at SFO and wondering how I got to this point. Where did it all fall a part? And I was still dying of thirst so I ran another half mile out to the next water fountain, refilled and then started slogging back.
When I reached the area where I could run left and continue on with the miles, or turn right and head home, I sat on a rock and contemplated what to do. I decided to turn left, made it about .25 miles and then said, "This is not happening", turned around and started the walk of shame home. Except that it was too damn hot to walk those last 2 miles so I ran just to make it go by faster.
Later that afternoon I couldn't stand the thought of not finishing those miles, so I went to the pool to swim (hey, it was still too hot to go back out running). I swam 1700-meters and it was one of the best workouts I've had in a long time. Easy, soothing, effortless.
Sunday, April 22
Actual 8-miles Run/Walk
Since I swam on Saturday I decided to head up to Golden Gate Park to log some of the miles I didn't finish on Saturday.
Renee offered to join me for a few miles. I got there a bit early and watched a 5K race, hoping to get some inspiration. But I felt nothing.
So I ran 2-miles on my own. My legs felt stiff and heavy but I was happy to be running in foggy, cold weather. It made me wish I had attempted the 18-miles today instead of yesterday.
Renee joined me for more easy miles, but more importantly, some much need conversation in which she gave me some valuable advice and perspective.
I'm working really hard to try and overcome this rut. I read this book from cover-to-cover in 2 days and it's quite good. I've also received a lot more support, advice and encouragement, all of which I am so very appreciative of and am taking to heart. Now I'm just trying to process it all and see what I can make out of it.
And yes, if you're keeping track, I have a marathon to run in 4 weeks.