I have half a dozen of half written posts and another half dozen or so post ideas. Yet somehow I haven’t been able to find the time or energy to write, edit, and then add photos and such. Right now my mind is operating in bullet point mode so that’s what I’m going with for this post.

+ Last Thursday marked 30-days till my next marathon. Up until last week I felt like I’ve been training for this thing forever and couldn’t wait for race day to just get here already. But now that we’re within a four-week period I’m back to my familiar “oh-myg-oodness-I-need-more-time” mode.

+ Especially after yesterday’s run. I was supposed to run 14-miles with 4-mile pick-ups over the last 8 miles. I ended up running only 11.

+ I ran through the Richmond…

Running through the Richmond

…down to Ocean Beach…

Ocean Beach

…past the Cliff House…

The Cliff House

…Up to Lands End…

The Sutro Baths at Lands End Lookout

…and back down and through Golden Gate Park.

Windmill in Golden Gate Park

Around Stow Lake

These are roughly the middle miles of SFM. Ironically the down hills killed my legs. I think I ran back down the Lands End hill too aggressively (if that’s even such a thing) and my legs couldn’t stop shaking after that. I even had to sit on the grass for about 30-min after I decided I was done until my legs felt stable enough for me to drive home (stick shift).

The “Breakers” part of Bay-to-Breakers

+ On a positive note my foot and shins felt pretty good, especially after last week’s long run. I think the acupuncture treatment I had this past week really helped.

+ And apparently I really enjoy listening to country music on my runs. Who knew?

+ When I got home from the run I spent some time alternating between the pool and jacuzzi. I’ve lived in my community for a really long time, yet I hardly ever spend time at the pool. It’s great for post-run rehab; I don’t know why I haven’t done this before. It sure beats an ice bath, that’s for sure.

Post-run Rehab

+ I went to lunch at Asian Box with my family. I hadn’t been since last December and it was so good. I love Vietnamese food; it’s full of veggies. I’ve decided that from now till June 16th I’m only allowed to eat out here, or The Plant Cafe or Sprout or sushi. This doesn’t include the Baked Potato from BJ’s Brewery that I get the night before every long run.

+ Later in the afternoon my right arm (bicep) couldn’t stop twitching – the same way my legs shook during my run. I don’t know what’s up with that. It was still twitching when I went to sleep but was back to normal when I woke up this morning.

+ If you haven’t noticed, I didn’t set any goals for May. I figured that focusing on the race was plenty enough. But for the next four weeks I am making the following a priority:

- PT exercises every day: I have been slacking on these the past month and need to get back at it.

- Stretch and foam roll every day: I tend to think they are the same things, but they aren’t. Both are equally important.

- Regular yoga classes: I need to purchase another month’s pass.

- Get 7-8 hrs of sleep every night

- No more refined sugar: during the heat wave we had a couple of weeks ago I gave in and had some frozen yogurt. Then I couldn’t stop with the sweets…

My aunt treated me to Fraiche frozen yogurt yesterday.

…I’m getting back on the wagon and using these books to help me do so.

The Feed Zone books

- Run the rest of my long runs on the course

- Rehab post run in the pool and jacuzzi

+ I also reread Aron’s course preview (link). Although I’ve run both halves reading it really helps me prepare for it.

+ One of my cousins just decided to come to town for SFM and I’m really excited that she’ll be here to support me. We have a road trip planned for after the race. It’ll be nice to have some downtime so it’s something else to look forward to.

+ I watched the Bay-to-Breakers race on TV this morning. It’s the oldest and most popular San Francisco race. (BTW this makes me so sad because I love SFM so much). If you’ve never experienced B2B it’s nuts. I ran it two years ago during the 100th anniversary year. I’m glad I did, but I have no plans to do so again. I enjoyed it so much more watching from the comforts of my home. It was cool to see the elites racing where I had just run yesterday.

Bay-to-Breakers

+ Big congratulations to my cousin Michi who ran a solid race at the Brooklyn Half Marathon, my friend Ron who became an Ironman (again!) in Texas, and my long time friend Aaron who ran his first marathon in Ogden.

PS I did not win the Powerball Lottery

Last Week I:

+ Ran 44.07 miles…

+ That included one 10K, 5.94 miles on the track, 6-miles easy, 7-Progressive miles…

+ And one 18-mile Race…

+ Used KT Tape for the first time in two years…

A necessary evil…

+ Skipped one Spin class and one 30-min Run…

+ Did two strength training workouts with Trainer Dave…

+ And attended two yoga classes

I also…

+ Celebrated birthdays…

A few running friends…

We’ll Run for Brussels Sprouts!

Pythons…

…and boa constrictors!

+ Had x-rays taken at my (regularly scheduled) chiro appt and learned old news that my right hip is higher than my left…

+ Went to A Runners Mind and got talked into ordering a pair of Pearl Izumi shoes and 110% compression tights

+ Went overboard on eating refined sugar and was challenged by my nutritionist to ween myself off of it by not eating it for a week. I decided to start today…

+ After Mother’s Day Brunch…

Round 1…

Round 2…

Round 3…(and not all mine!)

…’till we eat again…

I also used last week’s long run to experiment with my race day nutrition, hydration and possible race day outfit.

Nutrition

My routine of pre-run GF bagel with honey continued to work well, along with eating Honey Stinger chews every hour (vs. miles). My only challenge here continues to be the fact that I cannot eat chews and run at the same time.

Hydration

I drank Nuun but also stopped at every aid station for water. I hadn’t planned on doing that but it was so warm that I felt I needed to.

I also decided to try eating a salt packet for the first time, out of curiosity more than anything else. I really have no background knowledge about this other than reading on other people’s blogs that they do this when running in hot weather. There was a HUGE bag of salt packets on the office lunchroom so I grabbed a handful and brought it home. I carried two packets during Saturday’s race and tried one (well actually more like 1/8 of one). It was so gross I’m convinced that it’s not humanely possible. I’m thinking that maybe it’s supposed to be mixed with a drink?

Race Day Outfit

More details on this later, but this shirt did not work for me. Back to the drawing board…

I was first introduced to the Mermaid Series in 2009. Since then I’ve run one of their 5K‘s, a 10K, and attended one Open Water Swim clinic.

Being a lone runner, long runs feel so daunting. So last week, when I saw that their Sirena18 race fit in line with what my coach had scheduled for me yesterday I decided to register for it. My feeling was that it would be nice to have a supported long run.

The race was held in the East Bay at the Quarry Lakes Regional Park. I hadn’t been there before but found it without any problems using Google Maps. There was a $5 fee per car to enter the park. In pre-race communications we were warned that there could be a backup of cars but fortunately, I didn’t experience this. In fact, I had a zero wait time since I got there really early (6 am) to pick up my race bib.

The race bib and race shirt pick-up took all of 30-seconds. It was there that I also learned that there were only 125 ladies running the Sirena18.

After I picked up my stuff I walked the 30-seconds back to my car and hung out there for a bit. Then I used the real bathrooms (!!!) before doing a 1-mile warm-up. It was a little chilly so I wore my Oiselle arm warmers. As soon as I done with my warm-up I ended up taking them off because I knew it was going to be a WARM day.

The 18-mile race started first with the half marathon, 10K, 5K and Mini Mermaids (little girls run) starting in 30-min increments later.

Start Line at Mermaid Series Sirena18 Race

We were summoned to the start area about 5-min before the gun went off. Although this was just a training run, my stomach felt a flutter with nerves. It was about that time that I saw Kristin and Sima who were running the half. It was nice to see familiar faces.

As soon as the race started I realized that I hadn’t really looked at the course map, which meant I would be “running blind.” I was annoyed with myself because I like to know where I’m going and what to expect.

I felt abnormally good on the first mile but I knew that the pace was way too fast for that distance. I spent the rest of the first 10K consciously trying to slow down. I got a lot of help when the course turned to gravel. I’ve run three other races on gravel and did not enjoy it.

The gravel terrain did not bode well for my right foot, one of the four “niggles” that I am dealing with. I had wrapped my R foot with KT tape. It was the first time I used KT Tape in two years and developed a nasty blister on the arch of my foot.

Somewhere between Mile 6 and 7 the route turned to road. This is where I was supposed to pick up my pace with progressive 5K’s. Instead, my paces fell off a cliff. The blister kept getting worse so I stopped took off my shoe and ripped off the KT tape (ow!). It was too late – the damage was done and I’d have to deal with the blister for the rest of the race.

Also, with the KT tape now off the foot pain came back. I limped along as best as I could but my gait definitely changed. I was forced to take a lot of walk breaks. It was really frustrating because when I ran, I easily hit my target paces but my foot didn’t allow me to keep going.

The remainder of the course (except for the last mile) was an out and back. It was mostly unshaded, hot and had a lot of bugs.

Along the Mermaid Series Sirena18 course

Being that there were such few 18-milers we had spread out and I ran most of Miles 6-11 alone. We ran along a multi-use path where we also had to avoid aggressive cyclists and maneuver around walkers.

Mermaid Series Sirena18 course

All I could think about was how I could have been running in foggy cool weather across the Golden Gate Bridge – for free – instead.

Favorite running weather…

In my lowest moment, I contemplated DNF’ing. But then I ran into my friend Mark who was doing a 20-mile run also in preparation for SFM. I told him how much I hated his usual running route and how much pain I was in. I wondered why we didn’t just run together to which he responded that I wouldn’t have gotten a Mermaid pendant running with him . He also told me to just to go as best as I could and that, “this isn’t the race.” He repeated that to me several times and I kept repeating it to myself for the rest of the miles.

About three-quarters of a mile after I saw Mark I hit the turn around at Mile 11. Though my foot pain kept getting worse and the miles became slower, mentally I felt a lot better. On the way back I picked up the back of the pack half marathoners. Just seeing other runners on the course helped. I ran when I could and walked when I needed to.

I finished in 3:26 – a lot slower than I planned, but I was glad to have finished the day with a total of 19-miles. It was just a training run so I didn’t feel too badly about my time. I was just happy to have gotten the miles in.

After I crossed the Finish Line my foot hurt so badly that I thought it was broken. I found a shaded spot and stretched it out for a long time.

As with all Mermaid races, the post-race food spread was excellent, and free massages were offered. I attempted to stand in line for both but ended up getting neither. The lines were too long and/or slow moving. I didn’t have the patience to keep waiting for almost an hour.

Eighteen to twenty mile runs always take so much out of me that I sometimes I can’t even drive afterwards. So I was surprised that other than my foot, the rest of my body felt fine. I really didn’t feel any stiffness or soreness at all. And my foot felt better as the rest of the day progressed.

While I was out on a course a guy ran by and asked me where were the men in the race? I told him, “Sorry, this is a ladies only race.” And now that it’s over I am glad to have participated.

The Mermaid Series is a wonderful organization for women. Their leader, Coach Heidi, writes inspiring messages in their monthly newsletter. For women looking to try running or triathlons, or if you are stuck in a rut, this a great organization to get involved with. They are always so supportive and uplifting.

And the bling ain’t bad either….

Mermaid Series Finishers Pendant

Mermaid Series Race Shirt

I guess it’s almost been a month since posting my workout recaps. See how lazy I can be? Here’s a quick rundown:

Week 15: April 8-14

+ 30.70 miles + 2.5 hour Chi Running Class in which I was the only person in attendance and ran up and down hills for two hours.
+ 1 60-min Spin Class + 10-min extra
+ 1 45-min Strength Training Workout
* Long Run

Week 16: April 15-22

+ 30.59 miles
+ 1 60-min Spin Class
+ 1 45-min Strength Training Workout
+ 1 60-min Yoga Class
* Long Run

Week 17: April 23-28

+ 31.79-miles
+ 1 60-min Spin Class
+ 2 40-min Strength Training Workouts
+ 2 75-min Yoga Classes
* Long Run

Which bring us to this past week, Week 18: April 29-May 5:

Mon, 4/29:

+ 1-hour Yoga Class

Tues, 4/30:

+ 45-min Easy Run

Wed, 5/1:

+ 6.67-mile Run at the Track
+ 45-min Strength Training Workout
+ 75-min Yoga Class

Thurs, 5/2:

+ 45-min Easy Run

Fri, 5/3:

+ 1-hour Spin Class

Sat, 5/4:

+ 10-mile Run

Obligatory GGB Photo

Like the previous two weekends, I ran around Crissy Field and across the Golden Gate Bridge again.

We had a heat wave in the Bay Area over the past week and it was miserable. So when I got to Crissy Field on Saturday morning and saw the layer of fog over the bridge, I was so, so happy. As I ran across it, through the thick layer of fog, the fog horns were sounding. It was my bliss!

After running across the span of the bridge I considered running down Lincoln Blvd to simulate the first half of SFM. But that meant I would have to run back up Lincoln to finish and I just didn’t have it in me. So after coming off the bridge, I ran through Crissy Field again and then finished the last few miles with an out and back along the Marina Green.

Overall it was a pretty good run. I was really happy with and felt like I pushed myself, especially on the up and down hills.

Sun, 5/5:

+ 10K Run

This morning’s run was the anti-thesis of yesterday’s run — terrible. I’ve been running at Sawyer Camp on Sundays. It’s mostly shaded which allows me to sleep in a little and still run in semi cool temps. These Sunday runs have been very mellow; i.e., Garmin-free. But today’s workout had some pickups at specific paces mixed in so I wore my Garmin and hated it. I felt robbed of my low-key Sunday runs that I have come to love. I also strained a calf during one of the pickups.

///

As bad as today’s run was, it was really the only bad one I’ve had in the past three weeks. Physically I’ve dealt with a niggle or two here and there, but for the most part, things have felt pretty well. Mentally, the past three weeks have been some of the best I’ve had in I’d say almost two years. I feel like I’ve gotten “comfortable with being uncomfortable again.” Does that make any sense?

I know that every run isn’t going to be good, but I just hope today’s bad one doesn’t erase all the progress I’ve felt over the past three weeks and set me back to where I was before.

I grew up in a neighborhood compromised of four streets that ran straight up a steep hill. Hence its name, “The Heights.” We lived (my parents still live there) on the first heights which is the least steep of the four.

You’d think that growing up in such a hilly neighborhood, and now living in the Bay Area, I would be used to running up hills. But that is soooo not the case.

With seven (!!!) weekends left until the San Francisco Marathon (SFM), I plan to do my long runs on various parts of the course, or areas similar to it.

This past weekend my plan was to start off with a flat warm-up mile around Crissy Field, run up and across the Golden Gate Bridge (GBB) and then make my way up to Golden Gate Park and back. This would more or less simulate the first half of SFM.

The first nine miles were great. Although the climb up to the GGB felt harder than last week (side note: I swear the climb up to the bridge is harder after the bridge renovations they made last year…am I imagining this?), the weather was cool and foggy which is my favorite running weather.

On the climb up I was stopped by tourists who asked me to take a photo of them (sure no problem!), with my camera (that was a first)…

Random tourists who asked me to take their pic with my camera, then text it to them…

After I texted them the photo and they ran off I took this one, the only bridge photo for the day…

Favorite running weather…

As always, I had my best miles running across the GGB. I made my way back down to Crissy Field, and then headed toward the Presidio.

I ran by the Palace of Fine Arts…

Palace of Fine Arts

…then up Lyon Street, where I had my Chi Running classes.

This is where things went south. I was overly ambitious when mapping out my route which included running up the Lyon Street Stairs…

The first section of the Lyon Street Stairs

The second section of the Lyon Street Stairs

Once got over the stairs (290 each way!), I found myself in Pacific Heights where the downhills are just as scary as the uphills.

Running around Pacific Heights

My legs went dead and I never made it to Golden Gate Park. I turned around and with shaking legs made my way back to where I came from.

I thought I could just finish out the last few miles with laps around Crissy Field, but when I got there I encountered a charity walk. The clusters of people walking along with the heat, my hunger, and raging allergies did me in. I called it quits when I ran past my car at 12.5 miles, skipping the last 2.5.

The run left me convinced that there is no way I can run the SFM full. Thankfully my friend Alyssa talked me off of the ledge and pointed out that the stairs and hills in this run exceeded the ones on the race course. Having run both halves (the second half twice) I know this to be true.

After Saturday’s run I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to walk the next day, but I was able to run another 6 miles on Sunday.

Shady Sawyer Camp

Other than a little tiredness in the legs I surprisingly felt pretty good.

Maybe running through the Heights wasn’t such a bad thing after all…

April 25th will always hold a special place on my calendar. That’s because it was on this date, three years ago today that I ran my first marathon – the Marin Marathon. It was the first and only year that this race offered a full marathon.

In hindsight I wish I picked a different marathon to run; one that flatter, with more runners and spectators. But being a newbie those factors never crossed my mind when selecting the race.

You can tell how excited I was about it by reading my 5-part race report…

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

I know I over did the race report, but I’m actually grateful that I documented so many details, particularly all the support I received.

To say that I’ve been struggling with running lately is an understatement. But in rereading these posts, the joy and excitement I felt that day (and the days leading up to it) all came flooding back to me. I was reminded of all the big and little things I love about the marathon and why I decided to run one in the first place.

I don’t think it’s by coincidence that this past week I have had some of my best runs in a really, really long time. There was nothing monumental about the paces or distances, but just the feelings I felt during the run…I felt so…happy! For once I didn’t feel like I was battling myself.

My first marathon was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It challenged my body and spirit in ways that I never anticipated.

You’d think after such a nightmarish experience I’d never want to run another one, but that was never a question for me. As soon as I finished this first one I was already researching which marathon I’d run next.

This morning, as I ran hill repeats, I thought about all the ways I’ve grown since 04/25/2010.

+ I thought about how my body has physically adapted to running long distances. If you were never active until your adult years (like me), I truly believe it takes years for your body to adjust to long distance running.

+ I thought about how much I’ve learned about the human body through injuries, progress, and setbacks.

+ I thought about the wonderful people I’ve met in the running community.

+ And most of all I thought about how I’ve learned so much about myself as a person. Long runs give you a lot of time to think. I used to think it wasn’t a good thing for me to be alone in my head for hours and hours on end, but it’s during those miles that I have had my deepest thoughts. I’ve gone through a lot of self-introspection and have learned about my capabilities, fears, insecurities, drive, etc. I’ve learned about what I like about myself, what I don’t like about myself and have accepted that all of it is who I am.

And as a result I really try to take strides (pun intended) to become a better person.

This is what the marathon has given me, and why I continue to run them.

I had a whole list of things I wanted to blog about, but since last Monday, I haven’t felt very motivated to write long posts.

But I do have some random thoughts I want to share…

+ The Bay Area is having really warm temperatures this week, as in the 80′s (which is equivalent to 100′s everywhere else). This makes afternoon workouts no longer an option (unless I want to punish myself). So I’m back to getting up at 5 am (or at least trying to) so I can get out the door 6 am. This used to be second nature for me, but seems so difficult these days.

+ I did make it to the track at 6:30 am this morning to do some speed work. It went really well (i.e., I didn’t feel like I was going to die). I’ve come to the realization that these are currently my favorite type of workouts.

+ After Saturday’s run, I discovered that I need to do more hill work and asked my Coach such workouts. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

+ I’ve used my Newton shoes on three long runs. During the runs they felt great and I loved them. But afterward the runs my calves were so, so tight. I feel like I’m somewhat back in a shoe conundrum again. Damn you Brooks for changing the Pure Cadence shoe.

+ Speaking of tight muscles, I had the most amazing sports massage yesterday. The therapist that I see is a competitive athlete and very experienced in soft-tissue work. Without me saying anything she traced a line from my ankle all the way up to my hamstrings that was very, very tight. I had not made the correlation of how all of those muscles were interconnected. The human body is a fascinating thing.

+ I’ve been using Yoga Tune-Up balls to roll out a lot of my tight muscles. I’ve found them to work better than a tennis ball, baseball or even lacrosse ball. I use all three sizes that they come in.

+ In the Chi Running classes that I recently took, the instructor told us that children have perfect running form. Ever since then I’ve been watching how kids run. In fact, whenever I see my 7 year old nice, I try to make her run so I can see her form. It’s gotten to the point where she yelled at me and told me that I make her hate running…point taken. I have a point to this…

During this past Sunday’s SF Giants game it was Little League Day. A Little Leaguer met each position player at their respective places on the field for an autograph. In the video below this little girl received CF Angel Pagan’s autograph, then ran – with perfect running form – across the field back to home plate. Everyone was in awe of her, including me.

{Here’s the link in case the video doesn’t embed}

She’s running in Tom’s shoes…I can’t even *walk* in them…

Today was one of those Bay Area days where I was glad I remembered to wear sunscreen (confession: I don’t always…).

I ran around Crissy Field and up and across the Golden Gate Bridge (GGB).

Crissy Field – Golden Gate Bridge Running Route

I always feel nervous and excited when I plan to run the GGB. I look at the bridge and marvel at its majestic grandeur and almost can’t imagine that in just a few moments I’ll be running across it. After all these years, it still brings butterflies to my stomach.

View of the Golden Gate Bridge from Crissy Field

But I have always run great miles across the GGB and today was no different.

It didn’t quite start out so great though…

Last night I went to the SF Giants game where the G’s sent love to Boston…

I got to bed much later than planned. When I woke up this morning I was functioning on about 10 hours of sleep over the previous two nights. I was feeling pretty crappy when I started my run.

Shortly after I started running I fell in step with an older gentleman named Jasper. I was wearing a New York Marathon shirt that I bought from last years expo before the race was cancelled. He asked me if I knew who Fred Lebow and Grete Waitz were. I said, “Yes of course – he started the New York Marathon and she won it a lot (nine) of times.” He smiled and said, “They were my friends.” For the next couple of miles I was treated to hearing stories of the times they all ran together.

Hearing the stories made me feel rejuvenated and put an extra “pep in my step.”

Also, being that I always run alone, I never knew what “conversation pace” meant. After running just a few miles with this fellow, I do now. I also realized how much more pleasant running is when you have someone else to chat with. There’s so much more I have to say about this topic, but I’ll save that for another day.

After I parted ways with Jasper I climbed up to the GGB. It felt more difficult than I remembered which freaked me out because this climb is in the very early miles of the San Francisco Marathon (SFM). At that moment I couldn’t even running 16 more miles after the GGB portion of the course.

But then I stopped myself from thinking about it. I am trying to think in a more “process-oriented” way vs. focusing on results. Doing this helps me stay focused on the present. So I just made a mental note to myself that I have seven weeks to run more hills.

Because I had gotten an early start running up to the bridge, it was fairy empty at first. I can’t remember ever taking a photo on the GGB with hardly anyone else on it.

Sporting my new San Francisco Marathon hat on the GGB

After the Boston Marathon bombing, this run felt a little different. I really took the time to appreciate the opportunity I have to run in such a beautiful city – and feel safe doing so.

As I ran I looked at everything around me and took it all in. There is truly no other place in this world I’d rather be living.

Running across the Golden Gate Bridge

Speaking of feeling safe, I passed a group from the US Army who looked like they were on a training run.

A group from the US Army running across the GGB

There were also several police officers on bikes riding back and forth across the span of the bridge.

When I came off of the bridge, I saw this sign…

GGB Trails

I have never run on the back (west) side of the bridge so I decided to be a little adventurous and run the 1.1 miles to Baker Beach. Unfortunately I only made it about .30 miles before the trail was blocked because of “dangerous cliffs.”

Cliffs on the west side of the GGB

I tried to go another way but it appeared to be the top of a roof. I saw other runners climb down the roof. I thought about doing it myself but I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get back up so I turned around and headed back. But not before I saw this view…

Trail on the west side of the GGB

So beautiful.

As great as this run was, I felt kinda bad about it.

Originally I was supposed to run 18-miles today. But I begged my coach for a cutback week and he cut it down to 10-miles. But then Boston happened and I felt bad about cutting back the miles and thought about doing all 18 miles anyway. But when I woke up this morning I knew that with my lack of sleep, and the extra warm temperatures it wouldn’t have been the run I wanted so I stuck with the 10-miles.

Except I didn’t run 10-miles. I only ran 8.32-miles.

In “taking it all in and enjoying the run”, I found myself stopping to take a lot of photos (a lot more than shared in this post), then chatting with tourists and taking photos for them. Because I was wearing a race shirt and hat, a lot of them asked me if I had run Boston. I laughed and said, “Umm, no.”

{Side note: I usually never stop and talk to people on my run, but since I have been running without my iPod I’ve found myself doing so more often. I usually get so annoyed with tourists, but in the aftermath of all the past week’s turmoil, I made an attempt to be nicer and learned that not all tourists are annoying (just the ones who ride bikes without helmets and crash into people…}

Anyway, while I the actual running time was a solid run, the elapsed time ended up being waaay longer than I expected and I simply ran out of time to close out to 10-miles. I had brunch plans and ended up having to cut the run short.

So while I feel bad about doing so, ultimately I don’t. This past week has taught me to appreciate what I have and not sweat the “small stuff.” While 18-miles, or even 10-miles, is not “small stuff”, neither is 8.32-miles. It’s a lot better than running zero miles, or not being able to run at all.

I’m happy for the enjoyable (key word) miles that I was able to finish.

I’ve experienced life-changing, senseless tragedies beginning at the young age of 14. I thought I’d become immune to feeling such devastation again. But then Newtown happened last Winter and it affected me more than I expected. I didn’t think anything could make me feel so troubled or saddened as that, but what happened in Boston this week did.

I have never had aspirations to run Boston. I would need to be an 80-year old male to qualify for it. But since I have taken up this running thing I have enjoyed watching the broadcast of it each Spring, and have been so happy and in awe of friends who have run it.

This past Monday was no different. I watched the Internet stream of the pro race “with” my cousin. She being a marathoner in New York, and I being at home in the Bay. We instant messaged with each other throughout the race commiserating on the DNA we were dealt (just kidding family…).

After the winners crossed the Finish Line we went back to work. As I was making my lunch my cousin pinged me to tell me about the bombing. I ran to my TV to turn on CNN and couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I was in shock! Then as the details emerged I couldn’t stop crying.

I still tear up just thinking about it.

Tragedies like this really make you think about your own mortality and examine the current state of your life. It gives you perspective of what is important, and what just isn’t.

In my last post I wrote about rediscovering gratitude on my long run. What I didn’t elaborate on was how I have been struggling so much with running. Going into the second, and sometimes third hours of my long, lone runs I wondered why I run.

…I wondered why I put myself through such grueling workouts week after week.

…I wondered if I still loved it.

…I wondered if every walk break I took made me less of a runner.

…I wondered if it was time to find another hobby.

But then Monday happened. And over the course of the past four days I have grown to rediscover my love for running.

I made a list of just a few of the things that I love about running…

+ the discipline and structure of being on a training plan
+ the feeling of accomplishment after a tough workout
+ the cute running clothes (total disclosure here…)
+ the excitement I feel whenever I get a new pair of running shoes (serious high over here)
+ being able to say “I did it” to those who doubted that I could
+ the selfless people I’ve met and the life-long friendships I’ve made through running
+ a sense of belonging to a community of like-minded people of all capabilities

Next Thursday, April 25th will mark my three-year marathon-versary, aka the day I shocked the hell out of my body.

{To illustrate how excited I was about it, here’s my 5-part race recap – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5…talk about overkill.}

I recently pulled out the various training logs I’ve kept over the years. My intent was to look over data but instead what I recalled as I read through my spreadsheets were the feelings of excitement and nervousness with anticipation of almost every long weekend run leading up to that first marathon.

I had forgotten what that felt like.

A few weeks ago I told a friend I was heading out for a run and she said, “You’re sooo lucky!” I didn’t tell her this but those words struck a chord with me because I hadn’t felt that way in a long time. I had reached a place where I had lost almost all enthusiasm for running, to the point where I dreaded going for a run.

But ironically, this week those enthusiastic feelings have started to come back. I’ve pushed myself a little harder during my workouts and felt giddy with excitement for each of the three runs I’ve gone on since Monday.

Running to the sun

Wearing the race shirt of my favorite marathon that I’ve run (so far!)

Renewing my love for running around my neighborhood

I’m sure it was not the perpetrators intentions to inspire and renew, but that’s exactly what their heinous actions have done. It caused an outburst of love and support for and from the running community and it has renewed my love for running.

Credit: Viral postings on Facebook

All the travel over the past week left me feeling somewhat off kilter. Having taken 6 am flights in both directions, then adjusting to the two-hour time difference, I was left feeling really tired. I didn’t sleep well the first night back, and was still feeling sleep deficient when I woke up this morning. I’m convinced that this played a factor in today’s 17-mile run.

After last weekends blissful 16-miler, I wanted so badly for today’s run to go just as well. I mapped out the same route down the Embarcadero in downtown San Francisco, and added on an additional half mile up to (but not across) the Golden Gate Bridge.

However, today was much warmer than last weekend’s foggy, rainy weather and I overdressed for it. Because of the warmer temps, I drank a lot more water (with Triberry Nuun) and had to make two stops to refill my water bottle. Also related, I had to stop twice for bathroom breaks.

My legs also didn’t cooperate as well they did last week. They felt heavy, like bricks for the first 14 of the 17 miles. During this time I just could not find a flowing running rhythm. I was very physically uncomfortable which led to me mentally beat myself down for the first half of the run.

I was so upset that things weren’t going as well as last week. In fact, I convinced that I couldn’t cover the entire planned distance.

By Mile 7 I was so frustrated that I sat down on a bench in an attempt to clear my head. I had a conversation with myself debating if I should cut the run short and turn around then, or continue on for another mile and half to the planned turnaround spot. It was as if I had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.

Just when I thought the devil got the best of me, an older woman ran by. She appeared to have recently gone through cancer treatments, yet there she was — running.

All of a sudden my attitude changed. I felt very grateful for my health and realized how silly it would be for me to quit early. Feeling uncomfortable wasn’t a good enough excuse to quit early. So I continued on. It didn’t feel any easier but I made the climb up to my turnaround point at the base of the GGB.

Things improved on the second half of the run. Although my legs still felt heavy, I felt a weight lifted from my mind.

For as long as I can recently remember I have felt like I have been fighting myself. I’ve felt like I’ve been fighting a fear that I didn’t really understand, or could identify.

On the plane ride home, I finished reading “Running With the Mind of Meditation” by Sakyong Miphan. There are many, many things from this book that stood out to me. In fact, I probably have more highlighted passages than not. For the rest of the run I directed my thoughts to the ideas that he had written about, like…

Running With the Mind of Meditation, page 85.

The first time I read these words, I felt a piercing in my heart. It described what I had been struggling with, but yet had not been able to put into words.

As I focused on recalling thoughts and ideas from this book, the anger and frustration I felt during the first half of the run just melted away.

I noted how just nine years ago I could not do a push-up. I thought about the many ways I have progressed since then and realized that it was not an overnight process. I felt blessed for the ways that I’ve grown and excited for the opportunity to be able to continue to do so.

In my mind I began to list the reasons why I run, and what I enjoy about it. And realized that this run, this experience, was another part of my growth process. When I returned to my starting location I noted how much more enjoyable the run became when I stopped fighting myself and started feeling gratitude for what I am able to do.

{As I reread this post before publishing I realize how very cliche-ish it sounds. But its truly is what I felt today. I hope that by documenting this, the next time I struggle within myself I can recall this experience and be inspired by my potential for further.}